Rosie’s story

Kathryn, Rosie’s mother, lives with her five children in a two-bedroom flat.

The two youngest girls, Megan (3) and Amber (1) share a room with Kathryn, while her son, Liam (15) has his own room. Amelia (7) sleeps on a sofa-bed, and Rosie (11) sleeps on a mattress in a cupboard.

In their current place, the family are “all on top of each other”, and Kathryn has been trying to move to a larger council house without success. Kathryn likes to take the family on excursions to the Kent coast, where she’d ideally like to live one day, as she feels it would be safer and better for her children.

Kathryn suffers from depression and is not currently in paid work. She has a partner who lives in East London, and visits two or three times a week.

Kathryn first became concerned about Rosie’s behaviour when Rosie was 3. After her sister Amelia was born, Rosie began acting maliciously toward her. Kathryn described an example where Rosie forced a lollipop stick into Amelia’s ear and burst her eardrum.

When Kathryn would confiscate something of Rosie’s as a punishment, Rosie would throw herself onto the floor and make noises for hours, or run all over the furniture. Kathryn says that Rosie’s behaviour was due to Kathryn’s attention shifting from Rosie to Amelia.

Kathryn separated from Rosie’s father when Rosie was still a baby. Kathryn says her ex-partner had mental health issues and was physically abusive to Kathryn when they were together. When Rosie was a baby he used to smash her baby bottles if she wouldn’t go to sleep.

Until recently, Rosie’s father had been an unreliable presence in her life, often standing her up when it’s been his weekend to see her. This would leave Rosie, who would wait by the front door in her coat for hours, in tears. For the last year and a half, they have seen each other more consistently.

When Rosie’s behaviour worsened from the age of 7, Kathryn often felt stressed and upset.

Although Kathryn says she feels much calmer now, there are times when Rosie’s behaviour can still be frustrating. Often when Rosie is refusing to do something that she has been asked to do, Rosie she pretends not to hear and Kathryn has to ask her again and again.

The family generally get on well at home. Despite Rosie’s maliciousness toward her sister Amelia, when Amelia was a baby, Rosie’s behaviour at home improved by the time her next two sisters were born. Kathryn says this was because Rosie “just got used to there being more kids”. Kathryn says Amelia and Rosie now have a good relationship, and that Rosie gets on with her older brother because she is herself a “tomboy”.

Kathryn prefers not to let Rosie out on her own, as she finds it hard to trust her with potentially dangerous situations such as crossing the road. Rosie doesn’t go to schoolfriends’ homes either.

Rosie was slow to learn to speak and received support from CAMHS from the age of 5, initially meeting a speech therapist.

Until Rosie’s ADHD diagnosis, Kathryn didn’t know whether Rosie was just naughty or whether there was something else going on. It was the school that suspected Rosie might have ADHD and referred her to Sunshine House, who made the formal diagnosis.

Rosie subsequently started attending Summerhouse (short-term educational provision for children at risk of exclusion). This was a more positive experience.

After around a year at Summerhouse, Rosie moved to a permanent place at a special school. Kathryn says that the school knows when Rosie is in one of her moods and will engage with her in an effective way. For example, they will ask Rosie if she wants to step outside for a few minutes to think. This is in stark contrast to her previous school where she’d just be labelled “naughty”.

Kathryn doesn’t have a wider network of friends or family to offer support. While Kathryn’s mother now regularly helps out with childcare, when Rosie was much younger she didn’t help out or babysit at all. This meant that Kathryn found life “difficult, stressful, lonely”.